CIESIELSKI: End-of life planning - Getting your temporal, spiritual house in order

A stained glass window depicts St. Paul preaching to new Christians. (Photo by Catherine Leblanc / Godong)

You are not alone if talking about end-of-life planning feels a bit awkward or uncomfortable. Jesus Himself experienced a sense of frustration when He encountered His disciples’ repeated resistance to announcing His going to Jerusalem to suffer and die.

Peter boldly responded, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.” Jesus, in turn, rebuked Peter saying, “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do” (Matthew 16:21-23). Jesus persisted in repeating this truth because He wanted to prepare those He loved for the reality that they would soon face.

Jesus offers us the perspective that end-of-life planning and conversations are more about living than dying. Jesus essentially did what we are tasked with doing in planning end-of-life care. Jesus appointed Peter and His disciples as “powers of attorney” while He was still living and as “executors of His will” after His death and resurrection to carry out His saving mission: to teach, heal, baptize, forgive sins and celebrate Eucharist (Mt 10:1, Jn 20:23, Lk 22:19). He communicated to His disciples “advance directives” about His end-of-life care by commanding them not to create extraordinary interventions by way of violence (Lk 22:49-51; Jn 18: 10-11). And Jesus, as He hung dying on the cross, empowered His beloved friend, John, as an “executor of His will” to care for His mother (Jn 19:26-27).

A chapter from my own family history might offer an additional perspective on end-of-life planning. For the past 10 years, my two brothers and I helped my parents navigate the challenges of aging. As their power of attorney, I helped manage their financial affairs and medical care. Through ongoing conversations with my parents, my brothers and I did our best to support their wishes to remain autonomous.

Their end-of-life healthcare wishes were recorded in advance directives, which later served to ensure that they received the type of medical care that they had specified. After my father and older brother died five years ago, my younger brother and I served as long-distance caregivers for my mother, whose care transitioned to an assisted living facility. Last year my mother announced to us that “our work was over” as she entered hospice care. We shifted our focus to her spiritual care by savoring shared positive memories, especially those in which she loved as Jesus loved.

Our prayers for strength and trust in God’s care culminated on the day before she died when she simply prayed, “Lord, take my hand and lead me home to Paradise.” This process, which enabled our family to live life fully and transition our loved ones peacefully into eternal life, can be similarly adapted to your circumstances.

Even as Jesus promised that He would never leave His disciples alone (Mt. 28:20; Jn 14:18-20), the Office of Aging, along with your community of faith, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, stands ready to accompany you on your own “journey to Jerusalem.”

Our ministry offers end-of-life education, webpage resources and appropriate referrals to help support and communicate your wishes with loved ones. In this way, you and your loved ones can be consoled with the words of Jesus: “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live” (John 11:25).

For the end-of-life video, audio and written planning resources, visit www.archgh.org/aging.

Mark Ciesielski is the director of the Office of Aging Ministry.