DONATTO: Ministering to at-risk youth

After 22 years of youth ministry, with the last eight in mission with Adore Ministries, I can look back on the triumphs and the sad parts. I can also revel in the present by seeing the young people I have walked with who are now in college, graduated, married or even married with their own kids.

It’s been a privilege to work with such young people from all walks of life: from the youth who grew up in wealth, the quiet suburbs, or the sometimes-dangerous streets of our wards. And after all of this, there is a mistake we can make with this nostalgia of looking back and thinking, “Look what I did.”

I had a teen in mission whose grandpa would bring her to everything. He’d say, “She’ll be here every week and early. I don’t care what you do, put her to work. But she’ll be here.” This grandparent was doing his best for his wayward grandchild.

She was making all the mistakes, getting caught up in drugs, stealing and fighting. She also did not have a healthy home life because everyone else was making the same decisions. At one point, something clicked, and she attended everything she could out of her own volition. On top of that, she said yes to discipleship.

Yet, after journeying with her for a few years, I did not see any of the things I wanted to see — deeper faith, better life choices, etc. The trouble continued at home and at school to the point of expulsion. But she was still present at the mission. So, I got the opinion of a volunteer at the mission who knew her. “You know her. Here’s everything we’ve been doing, yet no change.”

And this volunteer had to remind me. “You’re right. She’s at everything here at the parish. Yet, you are only a small part of her life. The main examples of a life to be lived are back home. You need to be okay with just being a positive person in her life that has her back, no matter what. Remember, it’s the Spirit that does the real work.” That changed everything for me. No matter where a kid is from, whether wealthy or poor, good home life or rocky, can walk safely around the neighborhood or not allowed to go outside at night, all youth are at risk of something.

Some youth live in literal poverty. I’ve met some so privileged they didn’t know how to operate a broom. That’s a poverty in itself. Yet, all have the same needs and desires. They want to be heard. They want to know they matter. They want to be loved. Not being told, “You kids today,” or “back in my day,” etc. None of that is relevant to what is going on in their lives in the here and now. That will often close them off to other approaches because they will realize you are now making it about you.

I often get asked “What do teens need today?” with the person wanting the silver bullet. But there is no quick fix. The Spirit will move when they open themselves up to Him. It is simply our job to create a space for those needs to be filled so that they feel safe enough to let the Spirit in.

I found out during the pandemic that I had done my part for that girl. She was in dire straits and still making the wrong decisions. At one point, she had a health scare. She checked herself into the hospital because of chest pains. All the tests were clear. It was simply physical reactions to stress due to the situations she was in. And she had simply called me to pray for her.

In the grand scheme of things — outside looking in — it was no big deal. But I realized we were able to create some sort of safe space and build a trusting relationship to where she knew she had someone on her side. And that could be the kink in the armor that the Spirit can enter through.

During this Easter season, consider who needs you as a positive role model in their life. What one small thing can you do to let someone who is struggling know that you care? 

Chris Donatto is the director of Recruitment at Adore Ministries.

(Photo by Papaioannou Kostas/Unsplash)