GOTAY: The thread that ties the youth to the Church

No matter which statistic one looks at, you notice a trend of youth leaving the Church or not being engaged. All the data one finds will be prior to COVID-19. I can only imagine what the statistics would be now.

I speak and travel nationally and have noticed that most events are less in numbers than years prior. Of course, some dioceses and parishes are doing amazing things, but, as a whole, it is safe to say that youth have left or will leave. So, what is the answer? 

I am not going to try to say I have “the” answer, but I know I have noticed “an” answer, and it’s right in front of us if we stop and listen.

I want to introduce you to Tom. His mother came in because he was going to a private Christian high school and was getting a lot of pressure from his Protestant friends and questioning a lot of things. What they were doing to him was working but reached a plateau. His mother asked for advice from the new youth minister, who was heavily tattooed and listened to Christian hip hop. I told her to just let him come in, and the Holy Spirit would do the rest. He definitely did. Tom was engaged at the parish and involved in everything. He decided to study youth ministry in college, and he is presently a youth minister at a parish working on a graduate degree in theology. His father is on his way to becoming a permanent deacon.

The next is Tammy. Her family is culturally Catholic and barely participated in the Sacraments. I met her on a retreat. I noticed when I started playing Christian hip hop, she began moving her head and started dancing. She ended up becoming the DJ for our parish youth group. Her involvement was so odd to her family that they thought she was lying about going to church “again.” Her involvement got her parents back to Church. She also studied youth ministry in college. She is married to her childhood sweetheart, and both are heavily involved in the Church.

Tabitha is next. Her family is Catholic, and her mother was heavily involved in the charismatic movement. She had an amazing experience at church and began coming to everything. Much like Tammy, her parents thought she was lying about going to the parish “again.” Her parents would ground her from going to church. Yes, you heard that right. This is a normal response, in my experience, from a lot of parents when they have a child who is not interested, becomes interested, and does more than go to Mass during the week. She graduated from high school and began to work. The last time I saw her was a few years after she graduated. She was not attending Mass and is still away from the Church.

Last is Tim. He came to the youth group. He was pretty popular in high school. He would come periodically but never had a deep experience at the Church. It was time for his Confirmation. I remember telling his mother my concerns because there were a lot of “red flags.” I told her it was totally up to her as she was his mother, and she knew best. He got Confirmed, went off to college, and last I heard, he does not participate in the Sacraments.

I hope, by now, you see the common “thread” in all these stories. It is the family. Youth will imitate what their parents do when it comes to faith. The conversations between the parents about the church, the Pope, the pastor, the music, etc., are heard and taken in. The habits of Mass, Bible reading, learning and challenging to grow are noticed. Engaging youth ministry is needed. Engaging parents are needed even more.

An engaging youth ministry cannot be the only thing that teens need. Faithful parents who are willing to engage their youth and walk alongside them are also needed. In looking at the youth and Church, it is the domestic Church that is an invaluable resource (CCC 2207) that we really need to factor in.

Alex Gotay is the coordinator of youth and young adult evangelization at Prince of Peace Catholic Church.

(Photo by Matese Fields/Unsplash)